haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
