I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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