we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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