he thought i was a dude.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
