You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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