I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
