remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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