I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You took a bar mat shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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