I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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