we have officially lost it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
