They should really pass out barf bags in church
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The power of my boobs compel you
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
