Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
