roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize