Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
