dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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