I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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