i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
3 2 1 whiskey
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.