I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
