Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
