After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
