What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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