So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
