Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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