I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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