Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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