genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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