dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
