I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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