apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
