so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
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it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
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You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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