Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize