Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
