Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I deserve this hangover.
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