I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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