theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
