dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
