Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
