I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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