they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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