I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
