i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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