just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i love accidental penises.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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