YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You are the jesus of drinking
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
