That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ugly people sure do ruin things
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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