You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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