if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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