If i come over, it means nothing
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize