my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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