i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
