If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
