only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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