i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
