Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
