He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
