Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
