I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
