I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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