i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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