So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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