I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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