i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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